I wouldn’t say life being an epileptic is a walk in the park, because every victim is affected in a different way. There are those who have small petite mal seizures, and then there are those who have grand mal seizures that are affected emotionally and physically, like myself. I would never suspect myself of being diagnosed with such a terrible condition at the age of 18. Before the time I was diagnosed my aunt and mother couldn’t understand why I would constantly trip over myself and hiccup everyday, neither could I.
My high school years were a living hell, truthfully speaking. Mornings I would wake up as any normal teenager to get up ready for school, and then blackout to wake up late with bruises on my body, and bites on my tongue. As time passed, doctor appointments became frequent; medications of different types were often tested out on me, which affected my actions during school. I was always paranoid assuming someone was out to get me, walking hallways not knowing my purpose of destination. Kids thought I was crazy, and my friends noticed the changes. I would say in the past, my beginning stages of epilepsy were hard to cope with. Having to share my condition with friends and associates wasn’t a conversation I was open to make .I felt embarrassed. I had questions in the back of my head, asking myself, how would they react if I told my friends? Would they think I’m unable to hang around their circle anymore? Would the boy I like distance himself away from me or make fun of me? I’m sure people with my condition had a time where they felt the same way because with this condition you tend to become insecure of what you are capable of being.
Sure, I was limited to certain things, like drinking alcohol for instance. As I got older, experiencing college, I am faced with seeing people drinking, and partying at clubs with strobe lights; it’s their way of socializing. I sometimes feel left out because I’m not allowed to drink and flashing lights can cause my grand mal seizures. However, I don’t and I wont let that get the best of me because there are so many alternatives behind getting drunk just to be the life of the party. For me, I study; use art, and photography as cope mechanism (way to escape those social affairs/events) .I believe there is a talent we all have within, it just takes someone time to recognize what he/she's ability may be. Driving is another issue as well.
According to the regulations, I am not allowed to drive until I am seizure free for 3 years, "What a way to ruin a young adults dream of freedom living in the suburbs " Not at all. Although I am less fortunate to use a vehicle of my own as transportation, there are buses where I reside on Long Island to take me places. When I am unable to get to a location, I am blessed to have friends and my family who are willing to do me a favor. There are always possibilities living with epilepsy. The reason now I am openly willing to share a piece of my life is because I am no longer ashamed or insecure of what others may think of me. It is all a part of getting grown.
As I am getting older, I am learning to accept these possibilities with epilepsy, and flipping the negatives into a positive outlook. There are many days I feel stressed depressed, and (overwhelmed) losing hope to fight my battles. I give thanks to my aunt for her never-ending support when she uplifts me on those days. She reminds me stress can cause my frequent episodes. Her words of wisdom encourage me to become more than my title of being an "epileptic". Without her help, and guidance, I wouldn’t know how to cope to this very day. I look up to my aunt when she shares her comfort. One quote I would always remember and share with others is " All things in life will get worse before the better, but you must take the route to where you want to be.”
Epilepsy is just a word to encourage you to push harder to get to your destination. Those words are what help me overcome my fear and keep me moving. In my future, I hope to One day help build my own organization for victims of epilepsy. It’s been a goal since I was 22 years old. Since then, I’ve been writing down ideas to make my goals happen to be a future TV Personality and a CEO of an Epilepsy Foundation.
If God sees my vision I am sure I will be blessed to achieve my dream. Not everyone can see the forest beyond the trees, or their talent beyond their condition. Always know, however, that if you can make it through the rough times and episodes, you are truly blessed to make it to your destination that is your Dreams! Don’t Let Epilepsy control you. You take control of Epilepsy.